In The Kitchen
by KandyHouse
Summary: Zexion is very angry, and decides to take it out on the kitchen. No veggies were harmed in the making of this story. Oneshot. No pairings.


Author's Note: A quick one shot. Wrote it during the early hours of the morning when I was bored. Stars Zexion, but you don't really read from his perspective or anything.

Disclaimer: I don't own it!

Zexion knew they didn't have hearts, but that didn't stop them from acting. While some nobodies gave up completely, others still pretended and kept acting. Even Xemnas, who told them repetitively that they did not have hearts, would act sometimes. It was there in a furrowed brow, a scowl, or a weary sigh. Such reactions were automatic; he can't even stop them. Sometimes if nobodies really think about it they might be able to stop a reaction, but it's ground into them how they should act if they did have hearts.

And Zexion was acting very angry. There was a part of his soul that was even angry. For a nobody, when your soul reacted that was as close to a feeling as you could get. And even these 'soul feelings' were very rare. But this anger Zexion felt was deeply a part of him. Anger of being treated like a little, incompetent, bumbling apprentice. Anger that he was being given such a wimpy assignment. He was very angry that Xemnas still didn't understand his love of books. His anger with Xemnas was similar to the anger and frustration he always felt when it concerned Xehanort.

Zexion did what he usually did when he was incredibly angry. He waved a hand through the air sharply. Coils of choking darkness suddenly swarmed upwards from the floor. They twirled and twined into a spherical shape. A portal. Without hesitation Zexion stepped through into darkness and moments later stepped into the kitchen.

The kitchen was a very large room. There was an enormous table at one end that was made to fit exactly thirteen people. Currently, three of these seats were taken. Xaldin, Luxord, and Larxene were all calmly eating when Zexion suddenly stormed into the kitchen. Zexion barely glanced at them. If he had actually thought about what he'd seen he may've been a bit surprised though. All three of them had taken out one of the enormous five-gallon buckets of ice cream. They were currently stuffing their faces with the icy treat. It appeared they'd gone all out. They had different types of syrups, sprinkles, toppings, and et cetera out as well.

All three of them looked up as the Cloaked Schemer suddenly stormed over to the counter. Zexion opened up a cupboard, pulled out a cutting board, and slammed it down on the surface of the counter. He then turned to the enormous refrigerator. Zexion ripped the door open and started digging through it. He pulled out various vegetables and then violently shut the door to the refrigerator. He let all the vegetables drop onto the cutting board. Some rolled off the counter and onto the floor, but the Schemer paid them no mind.

He then opened a drawer and started rummaging through it. Zexion pulled out the largest, serrated, and sharpest knife. He then proceeded to approach the vegetables. The anger Zexion felt coursing through him demanded to be let free. Zexion began chopping the vegetables up into little pieces.

Little bits of mutilated veggie went flying around the Schemer. Zexion didn't even blink as various juices splattered over his gloves and coat front. Normally such things would've bothered Zexion, but he was too consumed in rage to notice.

The three other nobodies could only stare and wonder what had possessed Zexion. The ice cream, long forgotten, was slowly melting.

After Zexion finished slaughtering vegetables he gathered them all up on the cutting board. The pile was so high it blocked Zexion's view. Thus, the Schemer had to shuffle sideways towards the sink. Now, there were actually three or four sinks in the kitchen. Only one contained some dishes, the others were clean. He dumped the vegetables into one of the sink basins. He turned the water on, full blast, at the highest temperature.

Zexion promptly spun on his heel and went towards another cupboard. He pulled out the biggest pot they had. The Schemer struggled with it, and it took all of his pitiful strength to put it on top of the stove. Without thinking Zexion turned on the stove. Axel had insisted on having a stove where the flame was visible. Thus, the blue and yellow flames flickered to life underneath the completely empty pot.

Meanwhile, the vegetables were clogging the drain of the sink. The hot water was starting to spill over the sink. Zexion either didn't notice, or noticed and didn't care.

The Schemer seemed to realize that the pot was empty on the stove. He went to yet another cupboard and pulled out a gigantic bowl. With his arms wrapped around it his fingers couldn't touch. He shuffled over towards another sink and started filling this bowl with water. When it was finally full to the top Zexion turned on his heel again, causing much water to slosh all over him, and marched back to the empty pot.

He poured the bowl's contents into the pot, then simply dropped the bowl. It hit the ground and cracked down the middle, but otherwise did not break. Zexion then began to search through the numerous cupboards, opening and slamming the doors shut, until he found what he had been seeking. It was some type of soup flavoring; Zexion wasn't even sure what it is.

He unscrewed the top to the container, walked over to the pot of boiling water, and dumped everything all the flavoring powder into the water. An odd steam rose from the surface of the pot. The Schemer dug through another drawer until he emerged with a giant soup ladle. He stirred the pot until it at least looked like all the powder had been mixed in.

By this point a stream of water was running out of the kitchen. This had drawn the attention of Vexen and Axel. They followed the stream back to the kitchen and were met with quite the sight. They stumbled over to the huge table and sat down. Now five stunned nobodies watched Zexion.

The Schemer finally reached the faucet and turned the water off. He then picked up all the vegetables, which had probably had any possible filth or bacteria burned off of them, and carried them to the pot. He dropped them all into the boiling, frothing mass of…could it even be called soup?

Zexion wasn't done though. Cutting stuff up and dropping that bowl had helped, but not enough. Zexion actually had to crawl into one of the gigantic cupboards before he pulled out a blender. This wasn't just any blender though. This was a blender that Vexen had made one day when he was incredibly bored. It stood a proud five feet tall and was about 2 feet by 2 feet at the bottom. It was called the Blender of Lost Fingers. It was equipped with settings like "A Mild Stir", "Grind into Pulp", "The Smoothie Setting", "The Twirling Dicer", and "Obliterate".

Zexion dragged it out of the cupboard and simply set it up on the floor. He stretched its amazingly long plug in cord to the power outlet and plugged it in. He then seemed to notice the five other members that were still staring at him. Or, more accurately, he noticed their ice cream. He marched up to the table and started putting all the sprinkles, toppings, syrups, et cetera into the giant bucket of ice cream. He then dragged the entire thing to the Blender of Lost Fingers.

Zexion, with the assistance of two creeper nobodies that he summoned, lifted the bucket of ice cream. Since the ice cream had been given time to melt it easily slid out of its bucket and into the Blender's container. The Schemer dismissed the two creepers and then attached the lid to the Blender. The lid actually had several locking mechanisms on it that sealed it tightly to the Blender. Zexion quickly went through these and sealed it shut.

He then went to the front of the Blender of Lost Fingers and hit the button that said "Obliterate". The block of plain vanilla ice cream that was coated in mint, chocolate, strawberry, caramel, dark chocolate, blue berry syrup was suddenly changed into a smooth brown. The billions of colorful sprinkles were shredded 'till they weren't visible. The numerous berries and other toppings were liquefied.

And the noise. It was indescribably loud. All the nobodies scrunched up their faces, clapped their hands over their ears, and prayed for it to end soon. Anyone who hadn't already been drawn to the kitchen was now by the roaring sound. Seven dark portals opened up in the kitchen, their owners already plugging their ears.

A moment later Zexion simply ripped the power cable out of the wall and unlatched the seal. He took a deep whiff of his concoction, then turned away to check on his 'soup'. It looked more like a cauldron then anything else. By this point Zexion could safely say that he had spent up all his anger. Using the Blender of Lost Fingers had been immensely satisfying.

"Serve yourself." He said, still sounding mildly upset.

The Cloaked Schemer then opened up a dark portal and left the kitchen. Vexen and Lexeaus, who knew when Zexion was secretly seething with anger, all looked towards Xemnas for an explanation. Xemnas shrugged sheepishly to answer and said,

"I assigned him a mission to study the book A Hundred Acre Wood and the characters inside it! I thought he'd like studying a living book like that…"

Author's Closing Note: Well, there you have it! In case you don't get it, Zexion was angry that he got assigned to study Pooh and Tigger and Roo, and all those other little talking animal plushy things. It does seem like a rather boring mission, hmm?


End file.
